I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
