Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
