Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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