what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
