plz talk dirty to me
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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