I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize