Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
