Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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