You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
