and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
