Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
the day after is always just damage control
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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