I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
