I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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