And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
