I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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