she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize