i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
