I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
