was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
My vagina is very pro this idea
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
