I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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