We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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