Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I need moral support for this bender
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
