My sheets look like a crime scene.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
