I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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