i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Say something about gay babies.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
