Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
