I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
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