Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
