A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
