Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
