I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Randomize
