so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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