There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
send nudes
from the living room?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
