I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
