He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
