I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Randomize
