That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
