ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
