so that wasnt chicken after all
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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