can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
