Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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