even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize