The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
