I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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