oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
