I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
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