True but thats because hes a fetus.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
