There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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