I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
