he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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