I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
