So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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