I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
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