Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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