textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
