so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Someone came in the potted fern
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
