He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
