Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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