Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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