Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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