I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
