She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize