I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
