I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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