i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
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