You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
