theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
